I was surprised to find that a loyal reader had posted an anonymous comment on the NY Times v. Sullivan Blog below. I was even more surprised that the anonymous comment read “I will show you some big titties for another blog.” (Not my words, I just cut and pasted that.)
I initially thought that it was my friend "H." from class because we had briefly conversed on the subject of “man boobs” earlier in the day. It was a rather humorous conversation that evolved starting out with sweater vests, moving on to bullet proof vests, and somehow ending with man boobs.
I had composed this short letter to H. in reply.
Dear H.,
As enjoyable as our conversation was regarding “man boobs”, I regret to inform you that I have little interest in seeing yours. It is a matter of personal taste and lifestyle choice. I can assure you that it in no way detracts from you as a person. It is simply my own personal decision not to want to see your man boobs. If you wish to have someone look at your swollen breasts, I think that appropriate person would be your physician.
I suggest that we consider this matter closed and that we should never speak of it again.
Best of luck in your search for a man boob viewer in the future.
Kindest regards,
Jake
Later on however, I was informed that the anonymous message was left by a friend’s girl friend "E". E. is a girl with rather ample (yet proportionate) boobs. (She is a girl, she is his friend, it gets complicated after that – but I think it involves smooching.) I apologize to H. at this time because I just naturally assumed that he wanted me to see his man boobs. My bad dude.
So I wrote this letter to the now not-so-anonymous loyal reader.
E,
I would like to thank you for your interest in the blog and your generous offer which I have decided to accept. You should consider this blog to be for you!
Offer, acceptance, and consideration. We totally have a binding contract now. Sweet! Ask S. if you don’t believe me. I believe that you are legally bound to this seeing as how the offer was made so publicly and not later retracted. Feel free to go ahead and forward any pictures / video to me at this time. However, I would prefer digital images / video in order to make it easier to post them on the internet later.
Also, if you have any other similarly proportioned friends that wish to make similar offers, I would be happy to oblige.
Anything that I can do to make my readers happy.
Jake
Ps – I am totally kidding.
H.,
If you want to show me your man boobs. I am ok with that.
E.,
Uhhhhhh. Just send the pictures. We have a contract.
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