The Lost Valentine Post

I wrote this a while back at valentines day. I just found it. So here it is.

Dear prospective Valentine,

Since I am not actually celebrating the 14th of February as a holiday in the sense of Valentine’s Day I am unable to send you celebratory Valentine’s Day wishes.
I do however wish you a happy 14th of February, as I hope that you have a happy 15th, 16th, 17th, etc…
As I do not wish to celebrate the 14th of February for any other reason than it is another day to be alive, I am not of the mind to wish you any other thing than that your day is free from horror and disfiguring accidents.
While I do understand that you as a female may put more stock into this day than others, I am disappointed that you have bought into the notion of prepackaged romance and commercialized love. This is noted by the fact that the Greeting Card Association “estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines’ cards.” (Side Bar - Please note that any time you see a statistical average in the same sentence as the words “estimates” and “approximate” that the statistic is BS)

You should be aware that you will not receive from me a $150 bouquet of long stemmed roses that sell on any other day for $30. You will not receive from me the obligatory box of confection or a preprinted $8 sentiment on folded cardstock paper.

In an effort to do more of what seems to be required of relationships today, I have decided to be truthful. I don’t care about Valentine’s Day. It is a holiday that purports to celebrate love and relationships through commercial purchases (kind of like Christmas only without the family, food, celebration of the birth of Jesus or any of that meaningful stuff). In reality Valentines Day was a Roman fertility festival that was revived by Ester Howland to generate business for he father’s stationary store. The greeting card industry quickly adopted it in order to generate sales. (The flower and candy industry tagged along for the ride.)

The argument in the opposite (or to play devil’s advocate so to speak) is that the chick is the one who actually cares about Valentines Day. Because the girl cares about Valentines Day, the guy is obliged to also care about it because it means something to the girl and since the girl means something to the guy, he must then care about Valentines Day, participate in Valentines Day, and, squander money on soon forgotten trinkets of commercialized affection for Valentines Day.

All is fair in love and war.

So Riddle me this:
Can you tell me what a zone defense is?
Who took over Joe Kines position at Alabama? (Hint: it is not Nick Saban)
Can you recite any of the quotes from “Josey Wales” or “Full Metal Jacket”?
Do you know the difference in a pilsner and lager?

Your argument might be: “NO. I don’t know about that stuff. I don’t care about that stuff. That stuff is not important to me. Why does any of it matter?”

My point exactly.