The vacuum

I was cleaning up the apartment so that when I return from Christmas with my folks I will come home to a clean apartment and don’t have to worry about it. Thus making my return that much more enjoyable.
Anyway…
I am vacuuming the dining room and use the little detachable hose to get into the corners. It isn’t working very well. “Oh well” I figure it just needs to have the bag replaced. So I turn it off and open the cover.

STOP FILM

REWIND TO 3 WEEKS AGO

I am vacuuming and decide to replace the bag because it appears to be full. I take the bag out and throw it away. Upon a thorough search of the entire apartment, it appears that I am out of vacuum cleaner bags. I go to Wall-Mart but they are out of the bags for my vacuum. I return home and make a mental note to try somewhere else for vacuum cleaner bags. I remind you that mental notes are useless to me.

STOP FILM

NOW FAST FORWARD TO 1 WEEK AGO

Without knowing the bag is missing. I vacuum the entire house. I sneeze alot for a day or so.

STOP FILM

NOW FAST FORWARD TO THIS EVENING

I open the cover and look puzzled for a few moments. Then I realize. There is NO bag. The entire inside of the vacuum is full of fuzz, dust, and a fine sand like substance that I can only imagine is some sort of carpet freshening stuff that I have sucked up into the workings of the vacuum. The HEPA filters have kept everything inside the vacuum. Unfortunately doing this has also ruined all of the filters.

So then I go to Wal-Mart and fight the weekend before Christmas crowd in order to pick up new bags and filters.
Wal-Mart does not have the bags or filters. So I try the next place.
Home Depot does not have the bags or filters. So I try the next place.
Lowes has both the bags and all the filters. I spend 15 mintues trying to figure out which ones go to my vacuum because the filter packages all have the model numbers located conveniently on the package. This would be a great big help if my vacuum had a model number somewhere on it. There is no number anywhere. Just Eureka Hepa. I turned the thing over twice looking for a number. No cigar.
I get everything home and spend the next half hour cleaning out the vacuum and hoping that it does not explode the next time I use it.
I get every thing put back together close my eyes and press the start button. I jump back waiting for the vacuum to start blowing out dust like a Texas sandstorm or shoot sparks in all directions.
Nope, it just hums right along.

Mental note: When I become a lawyer - hire a maid.