Snow

I pray for snow. Not now, but sometime between now and spring break.
I mean seriously. Come on!
You lazy government f*&%ers can’t give us a holiday other than Valentines Day from now till almost summer? This is the greyest gloomiest time of the entire year. And without a break! From MLK day through like forever – there is no holiday. It is just straight drudgery for what seems like an eternity. The only crappy holiday in between is Valentines Day. Valentines Day sucks. It is a total chick holiday that involves expensive flowers, food, and chocolate. I generally find a way to be single on this holiday. Every good place to eat is booked solid and every half way good affordable place to eat is packed with redneck couples who are out for their twice annual date. The other one is their anniversary. Flowers go for many times their actual value. Buy a dozen roses now for $15 - $25. Wait until Valentines Day – they go for $80 minimum if you can find them.
Snow is my salvation. Alabama (especially S. AL) is not prepared by any stretch of the imagination for snow of any kind.
One time when I was a kid we had a big ice storm. The local cops actually went to the store and bought a couple of boxes of ice cream salt and spread it around the only intersection that we had in town after somebody had a wreck on the ice. We have no snow plows, no deicers, no sand spreading trucks, no nothing.
Plus, the snow we get is not really snow at all. It is mainly ice and a couple of flurries that make it look kind of white. Snow balls here are actually deadly ice balls that hurt like hell if you get hit with one. We rarely get snow. Kids here generally use pine cones instead. The big ones are hard to throw. But the little ones are dense and zing along quite well. Plus they leave a big red welt on the side of your face if you get hit. This ends the “I got you!”, “You did not!” argument fairly quickly. However it quickly escalates into BB gun wars if you don’t reach some sort of truce before lunch. It actually is all fun and games until somebody gets and eye put out. Which reminds me of a story – but we will get back to that later.

Back to the snow.
If it snows then school gets canceled. It will be canceled for a couple of days if we get a good ice / snow storm. I have a four wheel drive truck so a quick supply run is no problem. The only problem is that when a big storm is coming people go buy up all the milk and bread. What is the deal with that? “Hey a big storm is coming. You better get to the store before all the milk and bread is gone.” WTF – I am heading straight for the beer isle before all of THAT is gone.


Dear Old Man Winter,

Please give us some snow. Come on snow. Leave us stranded at home. And please do so on a weekday. Preferably on say a Wednesday evening through say……. Let’s say Friday around noon. Oh, and if you could do it on Valentines Day as well, I would appreciate it.

Best wishes to your mom Mother Nature as well as your bother The Heat Mizer “Mr. 100 Degrees”.

Best Wishes,
Jake

ps
I would like to applogize for calling you "Old blue balls" when I was a kid. I did not realize that it was because you are icy cold all the time. I inititially thought it had something to do with you not exactly being too smooth with the ladies. My bad.